LDR & Temporary Insanity

We live two hours away by bus. I see him once a week. We talk on the phone almost every night, we text everyday. But there are the weekends when visitors are in town, the nights when work takes over, and the hours when the phone is out of battery. This is the foreseeable future for the next two years.

When we talk and when we are together I am at ease. But then your visit is over, it is time to hang up the phone, and the world pales like someone has dimmed the sun.



If I think too hard about the future, or about the miles of highway that stretch between us, the pale misery deepens into panic. I can see no world with him, and I can see no world without him.

"No one knows how it starts, or where it comes from, but it burrows into your system, until each of your cells shift and reform. I've heard it’s rare, I’ve heard it’s as common as a cold, but what everyone agrees on is once you have it, there’s no escape. You are changed for life." 

 Tell me what I have. Tell me this is true, tell me this is real.

What I am constantly hiding from the world is that I am full of little monsters. The polite word for this is sensitive. I have grown used to putting on a little show for people — oh yes, that’s fine, oh no, I don’t mind at all — when actually there is always something there screaming — what the f-ck did you just do? That is not okay.

They say it is better to have love and lost than to never have loved at all. 

Will this work? 

IT WILL WORK. I'll make it work. We'll make it work.