I love you. 

I love you because you make me smile, 

I love you because you make me laugh. 

I love you because I get excited when I look at you, as soon as you come around. 

I love you because we have inside jokes that nobody else knows about.

I love you because I feel like we can talk about anything. I want you because we can stay up late watching old non-sense movies and laugh along the way. 

I know I love you because I see things that remind me of you and I text them to you and we laugh about it. 

I love you because you fascinate me, because I learn from you. 

I love you because I can look at you without saying a word and I know how we feel.

I love you because I love you, you, the whole you. 

Every time I see you I get excited for when I’ll see you next, even though you’re still right there in front of me. 

I lose myself.

And everytime you smile, I smile too. 

Butterflies in my stomach. Heart jumping out of its cage. I’ve never really felt this way about someone before.

All the emotions push me to want to discover more about you. At every exchange of a glance, I feel closer to you.

Tong. 

Only trust someone who can see these three things in you:
The sorrow behind your smile.
The love behind your anger,
and the reason behind your silence.

I need you.
I need your body pressed against mine.
Your warmth. Your smell.
Your fingers wrapped around the curves of mine.
The taste of your kiss.
I need you.

Those who love you are not fooled by mistakes you have made or dark images you hold about yourself.

They remember your beauty when you feel ugly; your wholeness when you are broken; your innocence when you feel guilty; and your purpose when you are confused.

I want to be for you.
I want you to be what you've always wanted to become.

I want to kiss you, and kiss you again,
And kiss ypu so many times that our lips are raw,
And red, and throbbing with overuse.

I want you, you and only you for the rest of me,
Me and always me.

I want you, NOW.

I notice everything.
And by everything, I literally mean everything.

I notice when someone stops hitting me up like they used to.
I notice when the way someone talks to me starts changing. 
I notice the little things that people do, and the little things they used to do.
I notice when things change, and when it's no longer the same. 
I notice every single little detail.

I just don't say anything. 

Bread and Circuses

I just got some good news yesterday and some sort of sad news this morning. 

While driving back home from doing some errands, the song Bread and Circuses by The Camerawalls started playing in my head. The radio wasn't even turned on.

So when I got home, I played it on my ipod and it has been on repeat.

I've heard of this band for a few years now and was lucky enough to meet them early last year in person.

Thanks Clem Castro and the whole band for making good music that soothes the mind and the heart when things aren't going well.

We are cooks and crooks with empty plates to fill

Serving dishes for our peers in vaudeville

We dread for their reaction

They get no satisfaction

Their palates’ dulled and burned with misery

And as a child I seem to think of destiny

For reason I can’t explain

Is it any wonder why my life turn out the way it did?

We choose what we have

And sometimes lose more than our bread

You’ve given Life your trust

And it’s been thrown back at your face

To realize what’s right

For the story of your Life

I’m tired of being fed with bread and circuses

This world view seems incredibly conservative

With passion just like mine

Will you gravely read my stones

When I should die

And as a child I seem to think of destiny

For reason I can’t explain

Is it any wonder why my life turn out the way it did?

We choose what we have

And sometimes lose more than our bread

You’ve given Life your trust

And it’s been thrown back at your face

To realize what’s right

For the story of your Life…

For the story of your Life...

Bread and Circuses - The Camerawalls

Words and Music by Clementine 

Performed and Arranged by The Camerawalls

Produced by Jonathan Ong and Robert Javier 

Engineered and Recorded at Sonic State Audio by Robert Javier with assistance by Tony V. 

Mixed and Mastered at Sonic State Audio by Jonathan Ong 

Additional keyboards and string arrangements by Jonathan Ong

Cover Concept and Photography by Nina Sandejas and Karlo Rono 

Layout and Graphic Design by Angelo Maniquis 

Cover Star: Zoe Sandejas

Copyright 2010 Lilystars Records 

Published 2010 Lilystars Records

The Camerawalls are: 

Clementine - vocals/guitars 

Law Santiago - bass guitars 

Joseph Rudica - drums

10 Strange Phenomena Of The Mind

1. Deja vu

Deja vu is an experience of having seen or experienced a new situation previously. It feels like if the event has already happened before. The experience is usually accompanied by a strong sense of familiarity and a sense of paradox or bizarre. The “previous” experience is usually attributed to a dream, but sometimes there is a constant feeling that it really has happened in the past.

2. Deja Vecu

Deja vecu is what most people experience when they think they are having a deja vu. Deja vu is when one has a feeling that he has seen something before, whereas deja vecu is an experience of having seen an event before, but with great detail as to recognize the smells and sounds. This also is usually accompanied by a very strong sense of knowledge about what will happen next.

3. Deja senti 

Deja Senti is a phenomenon of having already felt something. The phrase “I have felt it before” perfectly captures deja senti. It is only a mental phenomenon and seldom remains in our memory later. Many epileptic patients often experience deja senti.

4. Deja Visite

Deja visite is a less common experience and includes an unexplained knowledge of a new place. For example, you may know the location around you (a new city or a landscape) although you have never been there before.

5. Jamais Vu

Jamais Vu describes a familiar situation that we do not recognize. It is often considered to be the opposite phenomenon of deja vu. The observer does not recognize the situation although it is known that he has experienced it before.

6. Presque Vu

Presque Vu is very similar to the feeling in the “tip of the tongue”. When someone is ready to say something but his brain gets stuck and a word does not come out.

7. L’esprit de l’escalier

L’esprit de l’escalier is when a smart thought comes to you when it is too late.

8. Capgras Delusion

Capgras Delusion is a phenomenon when a person believes that a close friend or a family member has been replaced with an identically looking one. This illusion is often met in people with schizophrenia.

9. Fregoli Delusion

Fregoli Delusion is a rare brain phenomenon which makes a person believe that different people are the same person in various disguises.

10. Prosopagnosia

Prosopagnosia is a phenomenon in which a person is unable to recognize faces of people or objects he knows. People who have this disorder are usually able to use the other senses to identify individuals, such as the person’s perfume, the sound of his voice or his hairstyle.

Source: Tumblr

A man's chest is a girl's comfort zone.

It's a warm feeling when I lean on his chest. It is not about lust or anything but it's a way to comfort myself. There's a sense of security when you just feel his warmth. It's like listening to his heartbeat and feeling his breath beneath my hair. Feeling his fingers through my hair. We talk about happy things, share petty jokes and sarcasms then we fall asleep. 

It's one of the best yet simple moments that you can cherish with the person you love so much. 

I Like Your Flaws

I like how you mispronounce words sometimes, how you fumble and stammer and stutter looking for the right ones to say and the right ways to say them. I appreciate that you find language challenging, because it is, because everything manmade is challenging. Including man, including you.

When you sleep on your side, I like to map the constellations between your beauty marks freckles pimples, the minuscule mountains that sprinkle your back. I like the tufts of hair you forgot to shave and the way you smell when you haven’t showered in a while; I like the sleep left in your eyes.

I like the way your skin dies in the middle of the night, how you die from embarrassment the next morning; how you writhe in the snake casing you’ve left behind. I like that you think pillow snowflakes carry more weight than pillow talk; that you think my opinion of you is so fickle that it could change overnight. (It’s not.)

I enjoy seeing you insecure, vulnerable. I like to watch red steam light up your cheeks, a spreading mist of shame when you think you’ve done something unacceptable like missing a step on the stairs or not having the perfect answer to something I’ve said. It’s like you honestly don’t know how wonderful you are, it’s like you have no idea.

The burns, the scars, the black and blues on your face body heart, I want to know their stories. I want to know what hurt you, who hurt you, how bad the damage is. I like your hard, ugly toenails and the layer of fat that lines your belly, the soft parts you try to hide. It’s okay to be soft, sometimes.

I appreciate your ability to get inappropriately angry as much as I appreciate your willingness to apologize afterward. I like how your passion manifests unpredictably and uncontrollably, how your feelings cannot be caged or concealed, how you’re incapable of apathy.

I like how you can’t dance, how you have pedestrian taste in music, how the worst song on every album is your favorite. I like how enthusiastic you are when you hear it, it’s like you don’t know how terrible it is, it’s like maybe how you’re able to love someone like me. (Perhaps that’s your biggest flaw, perhaps that’s the one I love most.)

Your flaws single you out, set you apart, make you different from the rest, and thank god. I don’t just put up with settle for accept your blemishes, I like them. I like them because they make you human, and humans are easier to love than photographs and illusions and ideals; humans fit more easily between arms and between legs; humans are welcome to their imperfections because if there’s one thing humans can do perfectly, it’s love. Humans can love, they can do it flawlessly.

Source: Thought Catalog

Written by: Stephanie Georgopulos 

Holding hands may seem like an innocent gesture, but they show more than a simple interlocking of fingers.

Your hands are one of the most essential parts of your body:

You build with them, feed with them, hold with them, touch with them; 

They are the tools of the human body.

To link yourself to another being, to momentarily entwine your life to another's, to promise, for a moment, that you need not face the world alone. 

More simple, more aesthetically naive than other forms of affection. 

Do you want to know what happiness is?

It's waking up in the middle of the night for no reason,

     shifting under the blankets and feeling that you're next to me.

I turn around and see you in your most peaceful and vulnerable state.

You breath as though the weight of the world lays on anyone's shoulder but your own.

I smile, kiss your face in the most gentle manner so as not to wake you.

I turn back around involuntarily, a grin forms on your own face.

I feel an arm wrap around my waist, and I know it doesn't get any better than this. 

If nothing else, I hope you know that I love you with every ounce of my being.

I hope you realize your importance not only to me but to everyone in your life.

I hope that you know that when you're feeling down, I only strive for your happiness.

I hope you remember that no matter what, I'm here for you and

I fully intend on staying in your life for a long long time if not forever.

I hope you recognize the fact that I appreciate and adore you without restraints,

and that this will never change.

I have never loved anyone like I love you. It's true. 

Have you ever wanted to hug someone so tightly to the point where you have no intentions of letting go?

You'd be perfectly content just sitting or even standing there with your arms wrapped around them tightly because they mean so much to you.

Feels like time stops and everything around you fades.

All because they make you happy and content. They make you happy you exist.

Yes, that's how it is. 

Every time I am with him. 

Every time I am with Tong.

Ways You Should Expect To Be Treated In A Relationship

Don’t expect to be treated like a princess or a queen. What does that even mean? Do you want someone to obsessively dote on you and serve you breakfast in bed, or do you just want to have, like, a good partner? Give as much as you take. Don’t expect someone to give you foot massages every day while you just sit back and get worshipped. Both parties need to feel wanted and cared for.

Expect to be told the truth. Why be with someone if you have to walk on eggshells with them? Be direct, be honest. If they’re being an asshole, tell them. If they’re being THE BEST BOYFRIEND EVER, tell them that too. (Just don’t tell Facebook.)

Call them out on their ridiculousness because it shows that you know them so well. Most times, people WANT to be called out on their BS. They’re just pushing, pushing, pushing, until you’re willing to push back. They like it when you do. It means they’re paying attention.

Expect for them to treat you with respect, to be patient with you, to understand that if you’re being short with them. It’s probably just because you’re having a bad day and has nothing to do with them. That’s the thing: They have to know that it’s not always about them. There are other things happening in your life that don’t revolve around the relationship and that’s okay. It’s not an insult.

Expect trust. Without trust, you have nothing. Your partner should trust you completely until you give them a reason otherwise. If they don’t trust you, if they’re already paranoid in the beginning and try to control you, the relationship is doomed. Because it’s not about you. IT’S NEVER ABOUT YOU. You could be the best significant other ever and it wouldn’t matter because you’re with someone who’s violently insecure and will always find something wrong with you.

Expect to be made to feel good about yourself, especially when you’re naked and vulnerable. Sex should be a “NO JUDGMENT” zone.

Expect differences of opinion, expect fights, expect it to not always feel right, expect to feel a little bit bored sometimes, expect to feel a little overwhelmed the other times, expect to question things, expect to flirt with other people because it reminds you that you’re still wanted by other people who are not your partner, expect to be with someone who loves you as is and doesn’t want to change you. THIS IS A BIG ONE. It seems like so many people get into relationships just to transform someone into another person. Why do we do this? Don’t date a fixer-upper. What’s the point?

Expect to be taught new things. Expect to have your mind blown. Expect to want to be a better person.

Expect your partner to be faithful, unless you’ve clearly discussed otherwise.

Expect to be emotionally supported. DON’T expect to be financially supported.

Expect passion. Expect love. Expect anger. Never expect indifference.

Expect them to hate you when its over. Feel relieved if it’s ever not the case. 

Source: http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/ways-you-should-expect-to-be-treated-in-a-relationship/

The whole point of being with someone is so you can talk to them.

Let go of everything.

And even when you're at your worst, they still like you, love you.

They still want to speak to you and care about you.

July 26-27, 2012 

One of my favorite Clarktown visits.

I don't mind the traffic and the long bus ride.

It's was all worth it.

Food coma.

Long sleep.

Happy hobby.

Inside jokes.

Sarcasms.

Laughter.

My favorite days are the days I get to spend with you.

I love you, Andrew.

"Missing someone isn't about how long it has been since you have seen them or the amount of time since you've talked. It's the very moment when you're doing something and you wish that they were right there with you."

Oh so true. 

I will love you when you're happy.

I will love you when you're sad.

I will love you when you smile.

I will love you when you cry.

I will love you when we sleep.

I will love you when we wake up.

I will love you when we argue.

I will love you when we kiss.

I will love you when you're healthy.

I will love you when you're sick.

I will love you when you love me.

I will love you when you don't.

But most importantly,

I will love you always.

I will love you until we grow old. 

Tell me what your worst fears are. 

   I bet they don't look a lot like mine.

Tell me what you think about when you can't fall asleep at night,

   or what you think about before you close your eyes.

Tell me that you're struggling.

Tell me that you're scared. No,

   tell me that you're terrified of life.

Tell me that it's difficult to not think of death sometimes.

Tell me how everything is not perfect.

Tell me about God.

Tell me about love.

Tell me that it's all of the above.

Young love is when you love someone because of what they do right. Mature love is when you love someone in spite of what they do wrong. You don't just give up when things get tough, you stick with them because being with them is worth it.

When you love someone, and you love them with all your heart, it never disappears. With every imperfection, that person is all you'll ever want.

Some people are never lucky enough to know this feeling, so when you find a person that makes you feel a way you've never felt before, don't ever let anyone stand in your way. Don't ever just give up because something doesn't go exactly the way you wanted. 

Cherish the love you were blessed enough to be given and always give that love back. You only get one chance. 

K&T 

I just want you.

Thats it.

All your flaws,

mistakes,

smiles,

giggles,

jokes,

sarcasm.

Everything.

I just want you. 

Dear T, 

You have this power over me.

This indescribable, undeniable, unmistakable power. 

You consume my mind. 

You invade my thoughts. 

You are the ruler of my dream world. 

You bring a smile to my face, a sparkle to my eyes, and a tear to my cheek.

Your voice is like a sweet song I'm hearing for the first time. 

You take my breath away, with the simplest things you say.

You make me feel weightless, 

as if I could float up, and touch the clouds. 

You make me look at life through new eyes.

I feel as though I am using all my senses, 

and suddenly everything I once knew is now unfamiliar to me. 

But most of all, you are you, and I love that.

You are not too busy. Yes. you have a lot going on but you can still find the time for people who matter. Even a few minutes can make a big difference.

When you are important to another person, that person will always find a way to make time for you.

No excuses,

no lies,

no broken promises. 

The more we put into our relationships, the more we get out of them. 

How was your day?

Tell me you love me when I'm sad

Tell me you love me when I'm happy

Tell me you love me when I'm scared

Tell me you love me when I'm nervous

Tell me you love me when I'm excited

Tell me you love me when we're stuck in traffic

Tell me you love me when you miss me

Tell me you love me when it's raining

Tell me you love me when it's sunny

Tell me you love me when I yell at you

Tell me you love me when I'm crying

Tell me you love me when I get jealous

Tell me you love me when I open up to you

Tell me you love me when I get confused

Tell me you love me when I fall apart

I want to be your partner and be there for you everytime you need someone. 

I want to be the woman you grow old with. I want to be there for you for eternity. 

I want this love to never die, even when we fade away. 

I’ve never been great with words, and I’d rather sum up how I feel in this short little sentence - - -

Thank you for everything. You are my one, my only. I love you.

With all the love I can give,

Kyle.

Missing Someone

     The missing can be particularly pernicious. It pries open your fingernails and crawls underneath, swimming just below your skin and settling like cement in your heart.

     You spend all day trying not to think about it — about what his breath feels like on the back of your neck while you’re sleeping, about how his eyes wrinkle when they laugh, about how his hands were sore from holding yours for so long, about that dinner, about the way he sang in the car, about the time he stood behind you in line, snuck his hands around your waist, and locked his chin over your shoulder, about how it belonged there, about the conversations, and the silence, and how they were both just as full, about, about, about. 

     You busy yourself to forget, at least for now because the remembering hurts like woah. You write. You go out. You travel. You laugh even when you don’t feel like laughing. You run. You say yes when your friend asks you to go to the mall.

     And then your song comes on — the song he sent you months ago — and the missing invades your consciousness, secures its flag in your otherwise preoccupied mind, and holds you hostage. You wish he was there to eat the rest of your pretzel because you’re full and don’t want to just throw it away, that you wish he were close enough to hold. You resent the people that rolled their eyes and told you this would be hard.

     When you miss someone who lives in a far away place, you fall asleep holding pillows and learn to decipher the cracks and catches in his voice — the ones that tell you he really cares — because you can’t always see his eyes when you talk. You learn to trust him. More than anything, you remember that he’s worth it — worth the mental gymnastics, worth the text messages, worth the waiting ‘til next time.

     “See you,” you’ll say every night, “and I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

Tell me I'm good enough. 

Tell me I'm fine. 

Tell me I'm worth it. 

Tell me you're okay with me. 

Tell me you're mine.

My birthday wishlist: unrealistic for now

Samsung Galaxy SII 

Ipad 2 (white)

Iphone 4S (white)

Ipod Touch 4th Gen (white)

LDR & Temporary Insanity

We live two hours away by bus. I see him once a week. We talk on the phone almost every night, we text everyday. But there are the weekends when visitors are in town, the nights when work takes over, and the hours when the phone is out of battery. This is the foreseeable future for the next two years.

When we talk and when we are together I am at ease. But then your visit is over, it is time to hang up the phone, and the world pales like someone has dimmed the sun.



If I think too hard about the future, or about the miles of highway that stretch between us, the pale misery deepens into panic. I can see no world with him, and I can see no world without him.

"No one knows how it starts, or where it comes from, but it burrows into your system, until each of your cells shift and reform. I've heard it’s rare, I’ve heard it’s as common as a cold, but what everyone agrees on is once you have it, there’s no escape. You are changed for life." 

 Tell me what I have. Tell me this is true, tell me this is real.

What I am constantly hiding from the world is that I am full of little monsters. The polite word for this is sensitive. I have grown used to putting on a little show for people — oh yes, that’s fine, oh no, I don’t mind at all — when actually there is always something there screaming — what the f-ck did you just do? That is not okay.

They say it is better to have love and lost than to never have loved at all. 

Will this work? 

IT WILL WORK. I'll make it work. We'll make it work.

Dear T

I appreciate you; I want you to know that. 

I appreciate you for your eyesight: you don’t see only what things look like but what they represent; you see beauty in things, see them for what they really are not just what you project. 

You have this crazy ability to pin down the exact coincidental fragility of things that is just so. And you have this ability to see beauty in ugliness, or rather, to see ugliness — ugliness is just another type of beauty when your eyes aren’t all blurry, why doesn’t everyone know that? I have so much to learn from you.

I want you to hold my hand in the dark, shoulders touching. 

I want you to kiss me in the most intimate place you can kiss someone; kiss me on my palms or the insides of my wrists, where you let someone kiss you when you trust them.

 Let me hear your mellow heartbeat, let me take your glasses off your face when you fall asleep. 

I want you to smooth my hair away from my face when my hands are covered in hot sauce and I can’t do it. You won’t need me to explain anything.

Day 2 of WCWD

You can't love without risk. 

Sometimes love is a terrible idea, 

except that it's not an idea. 

Sometimes love leaves suddenly and it's

as if you were lying to the other person all this time,

or they were lying to you.

Sometimes you want to be loved back and you think

if they'll just here your case,

if you present the evidence before them

as if in a court of law,

they will concede to your argument and

love you the way you love them, forever even,

and you'll both get to be happy. 

But that's not how it works. 

You jump from the plane and hope you're parachute opens.

The other person is that parachute. 

So if you can, jump over water, 

and from not too great of a height. 

T

Get our of my head and fall into my arms instead. 

Brilliant or Fool

Every heart has a pain.

We only have different ways of expressing it. 

The fools hide it in their eyes,

while the brilliant hide it in their smile.

Are you the brilliant or the fool?

Well, are you?

I know they haven’t got us completely figured out. 

I know that some things belong to only us.

Then I would raise one eyebrow, smile brilliantly and say,

 “Well, are you in?” 

Love is in the air

December 22, 2011 

First flight with T. 

Love was literally in the air. 

My Captain. 

At the Baguio Airport Runway.

Surviving Any Long-Distance Relationship

Source: Thought Catalog 
         

It’s the kind of love that we can imagine compensates for the time you don’t get to spend together, for the extra effort one has to make in every gesture. And almost always, it’s romantic love. 

But as anyone who’s moved away from family and friends can attest, there are many kinds of relationships — and many kinds of love — which can suffer at the hands of distance and conflicting time zones.

We often forget just how much relationships are built on the small, quiet moments between us: laughing and passing a bowl of popcorn over a movie, car rides together, the happy silence of two people who love each other enough to not have to make small talk when the food arrives. 

And when these moments are eroded, when simple geography keeps us from speaking this quiet, almost entirely unconscious language of love and friendship, it can make maintaining any kind of relationship an act of constant upkeep.

It’s up to us, whether with family, friends, or a lover, to make that extra effort to make the other person feel special, feel remembered. And this seems obvious in romantic relationships — you wouldn’t expect a long-distance relationship to work out well if you weren’t investing time and energy into making them a part of your day. 

There will always be love between you, but we all need to feel that the few people who are really there are still thinking of us, even when far away.

There is something so beautiful, so reassuring, about being able to turn on a video chat or pick up a phone and be back in the warmth and familiarity of old friends and family. You can lose hours if you let yourself, laughing at stupid videos, eating dinner together over a computer screen, and gossiping about the day’s activities — every silly little thing that makes up your love to begin with. 

And knowing that there are people who will still get excited when they see your call pop up, who will look forward to catching up and planning the moment you’ll see each other again, can make even the most lonely moment in a new city bearable.

There is a certain level of maintenance required for every relationship, a moment here or there of simple pleasures and unspoken jokes that exist between people who miss each other. We have to remind each other — and ourselves — that distance is easily overcome these days, and that even a small effort can yield so much happiness and comfort. Just because the relationship is platonic doesn’t mean that it doesn’t need tending to every now and again, and we owe it to ourselves to maintain the beautiful things we started — even when we’re away for a while. 

Can love start this early?

Childhood love.